Sounds like a strange title but I have decided to list the most annoying motorway driving crimes/errors, hopefully the muppets involved will read this and change their driving! I should add that I have over 19 years driving experience, passed my test twice, done the advanced motoring test (Institute of advanced Motorists), done 23 hours of skid pan and advanced skid control, I hold a full motorbike license and an LGV class 2. I drive around 100,000 miles a year on the motorways so have a good idea how they work.
I don’t have a set driving pattern on the motorway, I drive dependant on time of day, weather and weight of traffic around me. That sounds fairly obvious but it would appear that not everyone does the same. Let me give you an example, last weekend I took my wife and two kids to Swansea for a weekend with my family. Its around 160 miles and 99% motorway driving (M54, M6, M5, M50, M4), it was a little before 10am on a Friday morning and the weather was very nice, no clouds just lots of sun. So when I got on the motorway I stuck the car at 70mph and sat in the inside lane and was in no rush, before overtaking I ensured no fast moving cars were behind me and gave plenty of warning, if a car did approach from behind at speed I would always get out of its way as quickly and safely as I could then settle back down in lane 1. On this journey I encountered the worst driving habits and have compiled my top 10 below, all of these were seen on my gentle amble to Swansea.
1. Middle Lane Hogging Yes I know this is a well publicised one but I would like to tell these ignorant fucktards what they are doing wrong! The rule of thumb on the motorway is if there is room to undertake then there is room to move into that lane. I hate being undertaken, being held up by slower cars and holding people up but there are some people that have a special place reserved in hell for them. Those people are the hyper mileage drivers. They don’t use cruise control, they drive at every speed between 60 and 70 in their quest to save 12p worth of fuel. Its not a bad thing unless they are like the prats who populate the motorways in V reg rovers and ford focuses. They sit in the middle lane for no obvious reason, lane 1 is clear and forces anyone who needs to overtake to go across to the fast moving lane 3 in order to get past a car in lane 1. This leads me on to my next hate
2. Mr & Mrs twitchy foot. These are the people who have no idea how to drive at a consistent speed. You start to approach them at 70 (they are doing around 65) you indicate and move into the next lane to overtake, sit there for a bit and realise they are pulling away from you. You then pull back in behind them and they slow back down to 65mph and the whole thing starts again. These people are just like…
3. NOBODY is overtaking me man. I say man because this is a male ego thing. You approach a car doing 65mph so indicate to overtake and as you start passing them they glance in their wing mirror and speed up a little. You have already committed to overtake so rather than slow down in lane 2 or 3 you accelerate up to 75/80mph and you’re still not passing them. You then stick the hammer down and take it up to 90mph and finally overtake (and getting a stinking look when you do get past). You then pull back into lane 1 in front of them and slow back down to 70-75mph and in a few miles they are just a spec in your mirror (that is until someone else tries to overtake them). I find this happens a lot when the man is in a small engine car (1.1-1.6), they see a 300bhp V6 Jag attempt to overtake and thats it they get all defensive.
4. Tailgate and indicate man. Again a male thing, you are overtaking in lane 2 or 3 and a car comes up behind you at the speed of sound from a distance. They can see you are overtaking, even accelerating to expedite and BANG lights go on, right indicator goes on and they start trying to mount the rear of your car. Normally these people almost kill themselves because as you clear the car you attempt to go back into lane 2 and find that the numpty behind has already started trying that to undertake you! I’m guessing these people are related to the….
5. Junction Hoppers. Now these knobs are of mixed gender and generally only ever use the motorway as a bypass from house to shop. They have no clue on using slip roads, motorways or their cars. They scream down the slip road, slam on the brakes at the end and race out into lane 3 without so much as a glance in a mirror. They then tailgate, undertake and generally bully everyone around them. You do your best to get out of their way and let them pass you, when they do get past you they drive across all 3 lanes to get off the motorway at the next junction at the very last minute.